"Selflessly Selfish"
If you are my client, you always hear me say to be “Selflessly Selfish.” Now I know it sounds like a contradiction, but let me break this down.
The definition of Selfless is; concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own. That means you always make sure everyone’s needs are met before your own, whether that be in the workplace, with family, or friends, sometimes all the above. By the time you get to yourself, you are running on fumes and any energy you have left is spent on trying to at least shower, brush your teeth, and get your jammies on for bed. You don’t take that time for a good book, some stretching, maybe journaling, mediating, or even enjoying that bowl of ice cream and a good show. You are so spent because you have such a giving heart that you have no boundaries set and everyone already knows they can always count on you to get things done and taken care of.
The definition of Selfish is; lacking consideration for others. That means that your needs need to come first. Some people who are selfish have a sense of entitlement. Childhood not having anything or having everything you worked so hard for gave you an entitlement. That could be speaking out of turn, because your voice meant nothing growing up. That could be micromanagement because there has always been so much chaos around you. The thing is, these traits are of the Ego, an unhealed ego.
We have to work on the Ego, especially when we are trying to honor and walk our divine path. Learn to integrate the two. Our ego is here to protect us yes to an extent, but it also teaching you the parts that you need to love the most. When you are walking your divine path, you are no longer walking in fear because you are trusting your spiritual team and the path that you know you are on. You are trusting the process.
Now, why do I enjoy using these two words together? You can set boundaries to make time for yourself. Let me say that again: You Can Set Boundaries to make time for yourself. I always put everyone’s needs before mine; this isn’t my love language, but I absolutely love being a mother, a wife, and a friend. I love knowing that I helped that person or made them smile. It fills my heart with an emotion I will never get tired of. Now when I am always giving, and running, and doing, I get burnt out real quick. My health is declining, my skin is breaking out, and I feel miserable. Whenever I took time for myself, I would feel guilty. I can’t quite pinpoint the day or the time that I realized that enough was enough, but when I had that “ah ha” moment, there has been no turning back. I get up earlier now and have been loving the outcome of that. My kids being happy to see me when they get up in the morning, already alert and ready to start the day. I go to the gym. I meditate every day, twice a day. Twice a day, I write in my journal. I have alone time with myself and guess what? My energy is higher, my mood is better, my patience is there. Since taking the time for myself I have had a complete 180 with the relationships I have in my life, for some it’s serving, for others it is not, and let me also tell you… that is okay, when you are vibing at a frequency of selfless love to a person who is selfishly in love (with themself) you will not see eye to eye sometimes.
I am a selfless Mother, Wife, and Friend, but I am selfish with my time, boundaries, and my divine path. You can have and be both. Take the time to get to know you and what you want your boundaries to look like. If you are someone with limited time, on your lunch or free time, instead of picking the phone up to scroll, grab a piece of paper and a pencil and write your alternative path. To have a heart of love and compassion for You. Get to know you again. Once you have your boundaries set, pray or meditate over them or even both, I do! You may not know who your spiritual team is right now, but you will the more you get in tune with yourself. Ask them for help with what this looks like in a way that makes sense to you. Read it out loud every day until it connects to you and through you. Once that habit is created, you can start doing meditations, something small, to start training your mind to be present. That might be too much for some starting of so I would say if setting boundaries was having free time in a different healthy way like running again or maybe trying something new like yoga, or a dancing class… whatever it looks like, just do it. This spiritual journey is just that a journey, nothing of the sorts is going to happen overnight. I have been on this journey for 7 solid years, and often I fell short, because of fear or I thought I knew all the answers, but since I have been honoring me and honoring my path that I spiritually chose for myself I am not wasting no time to be a people pleaser. I am not wasting no time being sad. I am not wasting no time carrying or absorbing anything of there’s that they haven’t worked through. I am honoring me and loving me Selfishly Selflessly!
Let’s start your journey together!
Marisa